Every once in a great while...

Day 8-July 8, 2009

Every one in a great while I feel the need to expound on my life in my writing, more than to merely let the pictures do the talking. I am such a horrible writer, that I let my art (be it music or photography) do the talking. But I am so appreciative of the insight I receive on a daily basis, that I have to say some things here and there.

This shot of the day is in Botanical Gardens, which is now one of my favorite places. I took a ton of great shots, but this was my final one on the walk back to the car, and it took my breath away. Not in that scary heart failure way, but in that "Thank you God that I am alive for this" way.

I can barely make a sandwich, let alone a dragonfly. I don't know how He did it. Oh, how much there is so much to learn. I am so grateful for this inspiration around me to create... Even all of my friends who are having their next round of babies. I look at my little one and think, I am glad my body knew what it was doing, because if it had been left up to me and my almighty brainpower, I don't think his eyes would be quite so symmetrical as they are.

Which has also made me think about how my little brother is working up the courage to propose to his girlfriend (which means cousins, right?!). Hurry up already so I can plan your wedding! My little brother. You know, boy genius, Doctorate in plasma physics, Mr. Intensity, little brother. No, the other one that doesn't look anything like me. Thank goodness he found someone desperate enough... I mean, understanding and loving enough to get his eccentricities. I hear L.A. is kind of cold in the winter for a wedding... oh wait, no I forgot, California is cold all year long. I'm gone for a few months, and already I've begun to forget.

(Runners up for the day)

Day 9-July 9, 2009

Keep climbing that mountain. We went to Mount Trashmore, and watched the kids roll down the hill. Mac climbed up to the top with no help from momma. He's amazing.

This first photo is my photo of the day, the clarity to fuzziness ratio with puffy clouds in the background makes for the perfect unaltered shot.



So... I've found myself saying "After I got sick..." alot this week.


I guess it's sinking in that for the first time in my life, I think I've changed. I've always been pretty mature, and self-evauluative, able to take criticism for what it is, and all that. But, I think that I have really changed.

Before, I was just growing, and adding on to my personality. Learning, and experiencing, and taking things in stride.

After I got sick... well, I changed. Near death experiences can do that to a person, I hear. I have decluttered my personality... figured out what's important... let go a little more so I can enjoy the sweeter things... understood that people don't always mean things the way they sound... and understood that MOST people, have good intentions. Things are just not as big a deal. But my drive for perfection has boundlessly increased. You only get one shot, so you better do the best with what you've got. If you want to see the top, you'd better climb that mountain.

It's a tragedy, but I found out that I like a pop song by Mylie Cyrus. "The Climb" puts me in my happy place. Please don't make fun of me. I know it's not some obscure tribal song from the middle of nowhere, like I tend to love, but it goes in my mix with "Damaged" by Danity KAne, and"Fighter" by Christina A. Whatever. A girl needs her inspirational running music.

Regardless of my music choices, I have decided that life is about conquering those hurdles, and it's about willpower and controlling what you can in your sphere. So, as living proof, I can tell you that no chocolate in the world is sweeter that finishing a half marathon in just over 2 hours with your best friend, after having barely been able to walk the year before. There are accomplishments that make the sacrifice more than worth it. Really, it's not a sacrifice... I love the feeling of emerging victorious.





Day 10-July 10, 2009

So, now we come to the cause of my great moment of introspection. My reason for words, and or the culminating event. The straw, if you will. The passed few years I have developed some tact. While I used to be one huge tactless blunder, and though I still have absolutely no secrets, my filter has grown a great deal. Apparently people have feelings, and boundaries, and expectations of human behavior. I am usually still very clueless about such things... but since my pregnancy, I have become very sensitive.

I have become much more aware of the expectations of others. My expectations are always set very high, because why expect less than the best? Who wants to live a mediocre life? You only have one chance, so live the best way you can. I do not understand why you would want less for yourself, but there are people out there who do. How do I know this you ask? If you want to really know someone, talk to his children. As a teacher, I find the laziest and most driven of people. Our children become the way they are because of us. So many of my school children don't fall far from the tree. Now, while I have high expectations, sometimes I screw up. (sometimes?!)

In becoming more sensitive about others, many questions have cropped up.
1. Does it take a village to raise a child, or do I keep my "help" to myself?
2. Do you tell the person at the gym you noticed they haven't lost weight in an attempt to help (not realizing how it may come out of your mouth), or do you mind your business and not insinuate that they're fat?
3. Do you try to help a family member by telling her you know there is some sibling rivalry between her kids (though you can offer no solution), or keep your big mouth shut?!
4. You you ask when more children are coming to the family, or is it really none of your business?
5. Do you shove a sign-in sheet in a neighbors face at the pool because they didn't follow procedure, or is it not your place?

Here are some of my conclusions:
1. It does take a village to raise a child. Help when you're asked, offer assistance directly to the parents, but do not interfere in parenting even if your friend looks frazzled. The child is his to discipline or not. DO NOT jump in and play mom unless the child is on your watch, and mom isn't there.
2. No matter if you're a personal trainer, if you work at that gym, or if you have the best of intentions... Do not ask someone how her nutrition is, because with all that working out, you haven't seen a change. I'm sorry, but you can't know someone that well that you say hi to now and again. You don't know if they might be pregnant, have a thyroid problem, not be concerned about weightloss, or worst yet, are struggling with it so don't bring up such a sore subject thankyouverymuch.
3. Don't say anything to people about raising their children. Family or not. No one has all the answers. Everyone's situation is different. Pointing out the problem is likely just going to make it a sore spot, and everyone does the best they can, right?
4. Family planning is up to the parents. Unless the topic is freely disclosed in conversation, don't go prying into others personal decisions. Like in my case, there may be doubt that any more can come.
5. If it's not your job, why are you worried who is doing what at the pool anyway? Shouldn't you be enjoying yourself, and relaxing like everyone else? Who cares if everyone has signed in or not, when no one checks on it anyway? Who cares if the baby who is in the pool for 5 minutes is wearing an EXTRA set of plastic pants or not? Are you getting paid to police the pool? Isn't it posted that no glass is allowed to be in the area? So why do you feel the need to ask if the wine glass is plastic or glass? It is not your job. Relax. Enjoy Your Summer.


My conclusion...

As much as I hate to say it, my mom was right. "If you can't say nothin' nice. Don't say nothin' at all." Oh, and the timeless classic "It's not our business honey, let people screw up on their own." So, my tact seems to be improving, as my mouth flaps less. The photo of the day you ask? I actually really love how this one turned out. As you can see, the plastic wine glass is drained. I think it's owner was more than a little peeved at the feeling of being policed about the rules, when poolside is supposed to be a place to put your feet up and relax!