We love the pool!
It's so exhausting being this cute.Saturday, December 20, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Peripartum Cardiomyopathy
So, I guess here is where I talk about it. I've already told a lot of the story of Malcolm's birth. I've already said how my life was in danger... a few times. I've really already said how much I appreciate everyone supporting Tim, and my family as they helplessly watched the rougher patches. But, I really haven't said much about the recovery. I have had good days and bad days. Some days my mom said my freckles disappeared because I was so pale. I never wanted to show any weakness, but Tim almost always knew. Until October, I would still get sick, and energy was hard to find. I hadn't gotten dizzy again until a week ago. I am glad it was a good sign, and am also glad the school nurse didn't let me drive home due to my low blood pressure.
First, if you want to know, PPCM is a very scary reality for some people. It involves going into heart failure, and the peripartum cardiomyopathy variety--which I have--comes without warning, without family history, and without much data to help people understand what is going on. Some get misinformation, and some are misdiagnosed. I am so fortunate to have a strong body, strong mind, strong family, and strong spiritual base to help me persevere. My doctors doing the right thing helped a little bit too. Though it really sucked not being able to feed my baby for almost a week when he was new, the lasix is what saved me. I lost 30 pounds in 3 days, and my heart didn't have to labor so much to get the fluids in my system around. A heart operating with an ejection fraction of only 20% can really do a number on a person's ability to be normal.
So, my previous blog entry about this actually indirectly put me in touch with the person who wrote the wikipedia article about said condition, and it's a neat coincidence that she is also L.D.S., and also introduced me to some amazing women on an online support group forum. Some people have really been through hell.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peripartum_cardiomyopathy
http://www.emedicine.com/med/topic292.htm
Oh, and here's on example of how crazy it can get for some people
http://www.sltrib.com/news/ci_11073365
I don't feel like reliving those moments right now, but I am glad I have a readable blood pressure, that I can sit up, and not only that, but I can walk and talk and even run now!
Can I just say how grateful I am that I don't need a transplant. I also don't need a pacemaker, or any more medicines (well, I am weaning off of them).
In fact --insert sigh of relief here-- my cardiologist told me that my heart looks normal. If it still looks normal at my 1 year visit then I will be totally free of medication, and if I am still normal after that, well then I will avoid the hospital like the plague until my dying day.
I disrobed (why you always have to get naked at some point while at the doctor's, I will never understand) and slipped into something "more comfortable" and quite stylish, I think.
Then I was poked and prodded with the ECG machine. I thought it looked rather less menacing with the tinsel. (After my CT scan, which I think was my darkest hour, I don't think I shall ever complain about silly little procedures like this again...)
Then, I went to perhaps the best decorated room in the hospital. So clean, and so welcoming.... while I awaited the impending news.
It wasn't so bad after all. I am one of the blessed ones. My condition did not regress, it improved. My dizzy spell at work was actually my body reacting to being over medicated, again.
When I prayed to know if I should have a child, if it was right, there was no question anymore. The answer was overwhelming. Malcolm is my miracle. My family is stronger than ever. My husband is amazing, and I now know he will do anything for me. There was a reason for this, and I will never forget. I am so grateful for the looming finish line for this race, and am grateful even for the arduous journey.
First, if you want to know, PPCM is a very scary reality for some people. It involves going into heart failure, and the peripartum cardiomyopathy variety--which I have--comes without warning, without family history, and without much data to help people understand what is going on. Some get misinformation, and some are misdiagnosed. I am so fortunate to have a strong body, strong mind, strong family, and strong spiritual base to help me persevere. My doctors doing the right thing helped a little bit too. Though it really sucked not being able to feed my baby for almost a week when he was new, the lasix is what saved me. I lost 30 pounds in 3 days, and my heart didn't have to labor so much to get the fluids in my system around. A heart operating with an ejection fraction of only 20% can really do a number on a person's ability to be normal.
So, my previous blog entry about this actually indirectly put me in touch with the person who wrote the wikipedia article about said condition, and it's a neat coincidence that she is also L.D.S., and also introduced me to some amazing women on an online support group forum. Some people have really been through hell.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peripartum_cardiomyopathy
http://www.emedicine.com/med/topic292.htm
Oh, and here's on example of how crazy it can get for some people
http://www.sltrib.com/news/ci_11073365
I don't feel like reliving those moments right now, but I am glad I have a readable blood pressure, that I can sit up, and not only that, but I can walk and talk and even run now!
Can I just say how grateful I am that I don't need a transplant. I also don't need a pacemaker, or any more medicines (well, I am weaning off of them).
In fact --insert sigh of relief here-- my cardiologist told me that my heart looks normal. If it still looks normal at my 1 year visit then I will be totally free of medication, and if I am still normal after that, well then I will avoid the hospital like the plague until my dying day.
So, I arrived at 2:00 p.m. on Wednesday.
I disrobed (why you always have to get naked at some point while at the doctor's, I will never understand) and slipped into something "more comfortable" and quite stylish, I think.
Then I was poked and prodded with the ECG machine. I thought it looked rather less menacing with the tinsel. (After my CT scan, which I think was my darkest hour, I don't think I shall ever complain about silly little procedures like this again...)
Then, I went to perhaps the best decorated room in the hospital. So clean, and so welcoming.... while I awaited the impending news.
It wasn't so bad after all. I am one of the blessed ones. My condition did not regress, it improved. My dizzy spell at work was actually my body reacting to being over medicated, again.
When I prayed to know if I should have a child, if it was right, there was no question anymore. The answer was overwhelming. Malcolm is my miracle. My family is stronger than ever. My husband is amazing, and I now know he will do anything for me. There was a reason for this, and I will never forget. I am so grateful for the looming finish line for this race, and am grateful even for the arduous journey.
All work and no play...
So, with such a helpful baby, it's a wonder the house doesn't stay clean all the time. Why, he folds clothes, and rakes leaves, although he's not quite tall enough to string the Lights or trim the tree. Tim and I did a pathetic job of raking, and didn't finish the job either.
It's Tim's favorite season, and I think Mac is picking up on the joy. Fa la la la la, la la, la la. Although hanging the stockings, baby proofing, and all this seasonal decorating can be exhausting, or was it all the playing in between the chores?
Well gee, it almost looks like we played more than we worked. That's hardly befitting of this time of year ;-)
Oh, and I must put in my moment to be a braggart. Last Sunday, I ran 4 miles in the rain, and loved every minute of it. I have decided that I love running in the rain. It cools you, and though soggy shoes make for heavy feet, it felt so good to move. I loved stomping down the street to Christina Aguilera's "Fighter" and saying to Hell with everyone who says I can't do this, or can't have more babies. I feel very vindicated now.
But what you didn't see was all the play!!!!
Oh, and I must put in my moment to be a braggart. Last Sunday, I ran 4 miles in the rain, and loved every minute of it. I have decided that I love running in the rain. It cools you, and though soggy shoes make for heavy feet, it felt so good to move. I loved stomping down the street to Christina Aguilera's "Fighter" and saying to Hell with everyone who says I can't do this, or can't have more babies. I feel very vindicated now.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
I'm healed.
I can't quite get myself to talk about it yet... But give me a little time, and I have a lot to tell. Hopefully this journey will be over in March, and it will have been a long year. One of the happiest, and hardest of my life. Today was a good day.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Family Photos
I am so grateful for my family. I love photography, and really love this medium to express both of these loves at the same time. As this season kicks off, it makes me happy to dedicate the time to cooking, and trying new things, to watch my husband go decoration crazy, to have people over and share the wealth, and to just appreciate the life i live. So, some family came into town, and we had a hundred pictures taken. So, I thought I would share the wealth. I love that my son looks like a lighter version of his cousin Michael. (Helpful hint, just click to enlarge the picture if you want to see our ugly mugs up close)
I love his smile, he is always so excited. Every smile is almost a laugh, and now that he searches the house for me, and says mama, it is even cuter that his face lights up when he sees me. Not that he wasn't cute before, but look at that little guy! Can't you just picture him bouning up and down saying mamamamamama.
Oh, and on a side note, I am still incredulous that the sitter at the "Y" gave my 8 month old a graham cracker. For all she knew he could have been exclusively breast fed. Aren't they trained not to give babies food unless the parents o.k. it? Thank goodness my kid loves food, and isn't allergic to gluten. She even had the nerve to say "It really entertained him, but it took him forever to eat!" Well, duh lady. it was his first taste of hard food. I am sure he loved the way it felt on those emerging teeth, but he's gumming it for crying out loud. So I laughed about it later. Thank goodness I am not terribly uptight. I know some people who would have let her have what for. So, on that silly side note, my baby is becoming less and less baby like by the second. Tomorrow, he'll be driving.
Oh, and in case you ever wondered about the extended family, here's a taste of wat's on Tim's side, and by a taste I mean less than a tenth. None of my relatives by blood are in this shot but baby Mac, and well, I guess I should count Tim. But here is a thought. I think we are a pretty mixture of colors... But, I could not believe how red-headed my son looks. Poor kid, dark-skinned, red-headed, and green eyed. He will have a temper like the gods, and a stubborn streak to match his mama's. And that's saying something.
These are three of the shots we decided to do Christmasy. It had all of the kids in it, from top to bottom, left to right it goes : Morgan, Mark, Mariah, Elena, James, Michael, Malcolm. Aren't they so cute? I bet every one of them is plotting on how to make Santa good to them this year, especially Malcolm.
Oh, and on a side note, I am still incredulous that the sitter at the "Y" gave my 8 month old a graham cracker. For all she knew he could have been exclusively breast fed. Aren't they trained not to give babies food unless the parents o.k. it? Thank goodness my kid loves food, and isn't allergic to gluten. She even had the nerve to say "It really entertained him, but it took him forever to eat!" Well, duh lady. it was his first taste of hard food. I am sure he loved the way it felt on those emerging teeth, but he's gumming it for crying out loud. So I laughed about it later. Thank goodness I am not terribly uptight. I know some people who would have let her have what for. So, on that silly side note, my baby is becoming less and less baby like by the second. Tomorrow, he'll be driving.
Now, because I want you to look ridiculous while looking at these pictures, so that you turn your head sideways to see them, here are some of the three of us. If you have a favorite, please tell me, because I am deciding which one I want to get a mural of and post across my entire living room wall. (Not really, but it's gonna be big!)
Oh, and in case you ever wondered about the extended family, here's a taste of wat's on Tim's side, and by a taste I mean less than a tenth. None of my relatives by blood are in this shot but baby Mac, and well, I guess I should count Tim. But here is a thought. I think we are a pretty mixture of colors... But, I could not believe how red-headed my son looks. Poor kid, dark-skinned, red-headed, and green eyed. He will have a temper like the gods, and a stubborn streak to match his mama's. And that's saying something.
Here's to Variety, the spice of life!
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